In His Apartment – and in His Own World
He hasn’t disappeared. Not physically. He lives in his apartment, just a few streets away from me. And yet – on a deeper level – it feels like he is no longer here.
A beloved friend, full of warmth, sensitivity, wit, and intelligence. A person who knows how to listen, who offers others support.
But lately, he has been retreating drastically – into himself, into alcohol, into a state where language can no longer penetrate.
When I visit him, he can barely sit upright. He speaks little or not at all.
Sometimes he crawls across the floor on all fours – as if the ground were the only place his soul can still endure.
“When someone crawls on all fours, it is not just the alcohol that brings them to the ground. Often, it’s a whole life story weighing them down.” (fictitious quote in the style of C. G. Jung)
I sit in silence. I watch. I breathe. And I ask myself: How can I reach him – without losing him?
And: How do I not lose myself in the process?
Spiritus contra spiritum – When Alcohol Fills a Spiritual Void
In 1961, C. G. Jung wrote to the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill Wilson:
“Alcohol in Latin is spiritus, and the same word is used for the highest religious experience as for the most destructive poison. The useful formula is: spiritus contra spiritum.”
What he meant was this: For many, alcohol becomes a substitute for what they can no longer (or never could) find within themselves – meaning, stability, love, connection.
They don’t drink just to forget – they drink because something inside them is calling out. Something that remains unmet.
What they are truly seeking is spirit, not intoxication.
But the “false spirit” (alcohol) replaces the “true spirit” – the Self, the essential, the divine.
And that is what makes it so tragic – and so human.
“This person cannot hear you right now – because another force is speaking within him.” (fictitious quote in the style of Jung)
“What you need is not control over yourself – but a relationship with yourself.”
(fictitious quote in the style of Jung)
Nonverbal Communication – The Forgotten Language
This blog post belongs under the category “communication”.
And yet the paradox is: I am not communicating with words.
I sit beside him. I say nothing.
I hold his gaze, if he lifts it. I remain silent if he turns away.
I breathe with him, when his breath becomes heavy.
And I realise: This is communication.
Nonverbal presence – the ability to radiate something without speaking, to remain connected without making demands – has become rare in our world.
As if we had lost this ancient language – and must learn it all over again.
“The unconscious does not speak in words, but in images and feelings.
This language is older than all languages of reason.”
(loosely based on Jung, see The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, CW 9/I)
More on that here: Listen to Your Subconscious: Carl Jung’s Method for Easing Anxiety
Maybe this is the quiet message I’m learning at his kitchen table:
That listening also means not speaking.
That presence sometimes speaks louder than any word.
That silence can be a gift – when it comes from attentive connection.
My Inner Conflict – Anima, Animus and the Strength to Stay
Inside me, a storm is raging.
My Anima – my inner feminine side – says:
“Stay. Comfort him. Embrace him. Say something. Be soft.”
My Animus – my inner masculine voice – says:
“Set a boundary. He is not your project. You need to protect yourself.”
I am both. I wrestle.
I fall into questions, because there are no easy answers.
“You want to save him because you love him. But what can save him is not your love –it’s his encounter with himself.”
(fictitious quote in the style of C. G. Jung)
The Silent Art of Staying
Now I know:
The hardest task is not to help.
The hardest task is not to help – not to rescue – not to interrupt when someone must walk through their deepest darkness.
I stay.
Not as a saviour. Not as a therapist. Not as the voice of reason.
But as a human being – a witness.
One who endures. One who breathes – and does not lose herself.
“He must go down – you must stay up here. So that he knows there’s still someone waiting above.”
(fictitious quote in the style of C. G. Jung)
Perhaps this is the true art of communication:
Not what we say –
But how we are there, when words fail.
“It’s not the word that heals – it’s the relationship.”
(loosely based on C. G. Jung, cited in various texts on Jung’s view of psychotherapy)
Warm regards,
Lisa
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