When communication falters

We often think how easy it is to communicate. We simply stand in front of the other person and say what’s on our mind. But the reality is different: We’re busy with ourselves, sulking on the sofa or going shopping and buying things we don’t actually need.

Hiding behind the mask

There are many reasons why we are unable to open up: old wounds that have not yet healed, emotional highs and lows that change by the minute, or simply the fear of not being taken seriously and being rejected. We are often not aware of them, they simply come and go in the form of thoughts or images, dreams.

On the occasion of a party or a visit, we feel the need to play a role and disguise ourselves in order to be part of the (family) “unit”. But can we really describe such situations, in which there has been no unity (perhaps for years), as unified? Of course, this requires a lot more energy because we want to sweep our feelings under the carpet and at the same time hold a mask in our hands. Holding the mask with one hand and eating the family chicken with the other… No wonder we come home in the evening so tired, as if we’ve just finished a marathon meeting. Do we need this? Of course not, our hearts tell us, but our minds tell us that we’ll get through it once a year. Of course, we will get through it – but at what cost…? (read more here: Why we hide emotional pain)

The fuel of communication

What can we do? Nobody likes to waste energy, and we conserve it as often as we can. In many cases, communication that has become deadlocked can be reignited: It’s a question of the fuel we use. If we allow ourselves to be fuelled by anger, hurt or the fear of being attacked, we inevitably end up at an impasse. What if we started with self-reflection?

Gnothi Seauton – Know thyself

“Know thyself” – we have been saying this for centuries for a reason, but it still doesn’t seem to be as ingrained in us as it should be. Recognising requires that we want to become aware of our feelings, our motivations. There is no miracle recipe to achieve this immediately. Like an onion, we can peel off the skin of our disappointments, our anger, our fears in order to get to the core, to the “why?”. And we cry as we do so, because tearing opens the wounds hurts. But without tears there is no healing and without them we can’t even put an ointment on them to heal them. Our healing is never dependent on others, it always lies with ourselves. And when we see, when we think we see the reasons, we should first forgive ourselves. Because everyone makes mistakes in life, without which there is no learning. Because perfection excludes the concept of learning.

Over time, the wounds will heal and we will be able to forgive. For ourselves, for others. Only through self-knowledge can we consciously steer our communication in the right direction and establish a form of communication that is free of blame, anger and sweeping things under the carpet. Because if we hide something, sooner or later it will come out and be noticed. And then we are no longer authentic, we are no longer ourselves.

Communication as a bridge

Communication is always a bridge between two people and my side will always remain my responsibility. It can be shaped in such a way that it is stable by showing it fundamental respect. Respect for the opinions and feelings of others. Even if it is not reciprocated, because no one can be expected to understand us or share the same point of view. It is always up to the other person to decide how much they want to understand about us and what they want to accept. And we can ask the other person for this (directly or indirectly), but never expect it.

We can formulate what we want to say in a factual and non-emotional way… It is possible to enter into a relationship without a mask, without giving ourselves up – without bending to our feelings and opinions. And the more we practise this, the better we will feel. The road there can be long or short: Everyone has to decide for themselves which path they choose.

But it is worth it.