I have recently searched through many forums and profiles and thought about what the different profiles reveal about themselves. A profile is like a business card. Of course, it should be accompanied by a suitable, expressive photo, preferably one that has not been edited by a photo shop. And please, dear readers, the cat or dog should not be draped in front of your own face.
What we should and should not reveal about ourselves, especially when dating for the first time, is very important and requires some time and preparation.
So don’t put the profile online straight away, but first think about what I want/what I don’t want and then go online. The interested party is looking for a suitable profile and if there are things there that are or are not there, then it quickly becomes difficult or even embarrassing on the first date.
The first date! Exciting! Something “new” enters our lives – but we also sometimes feel insecure or afraid. Personally, I have done best by presenting myself as I am. Very few people can stand playing a role for a long time.
We want to open up but not be hurt. That is why it is important to write in the profile text what is important to you about the other person. If I have a preference for blond-haired people, then I write that too. Nothing could be worse if I go on a date and my date is dark-haired. What kind of introduction and how do I get out of this situation? If I don’t write that I don’t have children to supposedly improve my chances, how will I explain that at a later stage?
Many will now say, I would never do that! Believe me, this has happened to me several times. Age was fudged, relationship status was not stated correctly, wrong profession, wrong education, etc. Why not make reality more palatable?
One idea, how to design my profile – as an example:
“I’m a 50-year-old male and I’m looking for a partner who is about the same age and has children like me. So I look for comparable profiles on the dating platform, first on the men’s side, and get inspiration or ideas. But please don’t copy paste, but rewrite and adapt to me. Wit and a bit of humour can’t hurt 🙂 (see How do men and women communicate)
On the one hand, we have concerns, self-doubts, that we will not be loved or will be loved less if we show ourselves as we really are. But is it true?
What are we like in reality? Do we not have good sides in us? Are we not worthy individuals?
On the other hand, we don’t think about the consequences: will reality/truth not come out sooner or later? How will we then explain the “changes”? The balance is not right from the beginning: we “start” a relationship with untruths.
I’m not saying that we should appear in rags or without make-up… but dress as one usually dresses and present a person who is in reality: natural, open (otherwise we wouldn’t have been willing to organise a date) and approachable. Sooner or later we tell more about our lives: Family, children or work colleagues. What was already “covered up” at the beginning will come to light. I often asked the question: If someone does not accept my “constellations”, how do you imagine a relationship with me? Of course, one should not overwhelm the other with problems (children, colleagues)…. There is also an article about it in the Psychology Today: Why Authenticity Is the Best Dating Strategy?
We all have common sense that we can use well and our gut feeling can prevent us from navigating “dangerous waters”. The warning feelings (gut feelings) inside us are fed by our past life experiences and they can usually be relied upon… even or especially in dating 😊
I once read:
“Everything I don’t like about myself, someone else finds stunning and erotic about me”.
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